Mr Smitten

So…  There I am on a Saturday night with my buddy having a few drinks and a boogie when I spy a rather charming looking man by the bar. Over I saunter and we get chatting, a few drinks later we exchange numbers, a few more drinks later…. Well, I had a drunken memory block on the rest of the night, but I know I went home alone.

 

UNTIL – I drunkenly called him.

 

And he came to my house.

 

And for the first time ever I made sure I was very happy and then sent him on his merry way, literally that is what happened. Think Carrie in the 1st episode of Sex and the City. I was all “It’s 7.30am and I need my sleep so can you leave please?”

And he left. Cue a few texts later and it seemed he was dying to take me to dinner. So, I thought why not… He seemed nice enough.

A few points about him already –

1) he was lovely. Very complimentary about me, and very very keen to see me. 
2) he was planning on taking me for cocktails and dinner, and was collecting me in a taxi. No bloke (with the exception of Mr Lush on our “date of a lifetime”) has done this before.
3) something in his texts set him apart from the others, it was like here was a man, while the others were boys.

So, sure enough, he collected me from my house and all was grand. Where I live is a small city, there are around 4 decent 1st date places and believe me I have been to them all – many times! He took me to the one place no date had taken me before. My ex took me once for dinner as a birthday treat a few years back which was amazing. But we were there for cocktails. 

Chat flowed nicely, I felt comfortable in his presence. He had manners and was funny, it was nice. The cocktails flowed too easily and I felt drunk quickly. He was also good looking (I have a thing about gingers)

We walked to a lovely little Italian (again, a place I’d never been before) and had food, and again all was grand. We had a smooch or two and then headed to the bar where we met for more cocktails. And yes, I was very drunk. He was unbelievable complimentary, he was very simitten with me.

We headed home, and like a true gent he dropped me home and walked me to my door after more kissing.

I was inundated with texts about how much he liked me. It was disarmingly nice. But you know what… I am just not feeling it. I am kind of pre-menstrual at the moment, which maybe adding to my lacklustre thoughts, so I am going to see him again. But there is something not “there”. And I know that instinct plays a massive part in my picking process.

He has invited me to attend Sunday lunch with his mum and him this weekend – I don’t think i’ll go… BUT

He text me last night asking if I would be okay with packing an overnight bag as he’d like to take me away. He is picking me up at 5.30pm this afternoon. I’m excited, as this is a total first for a second date. He is so keen, and this maybe offputting? Surely there is a fine line?

 

I’ll keep you posted by twitter! Haha – wish me luck xx

How did THAT happen!?

Well… What a naughty little non-blogger I have been! I apologise…

I have not been dating since the whole Mr. Lush/Mr. Unavailable – I have had the flu and I have been pretty hectic busy with life stuff really.

So, noting this, I nipped onto PoF. Literally, nipped on for a nose and to see what was happening. And WELL – the calibre has risen a lot! Like, a lot. I quite quickly got messaging a few nice men… Then was on Whatsapp with a few nice men. All nice and lovely chat – and then yesterday in the space of two hours I was asked out by six men. SIX.

Four from Pof, and two who I have known for a while… SIX dates. Want to know the weird bit – they are all from Friday – Tuesday, that’s right… Do the maths… I have TWO on tomorrow! One late afternoon one evening. Two on one day.

So, while this does make me look like a dating crazy woman, I want to explained a little I suppose.

Date 1 – I think we may just be friends
Date 2 – Makes me giggle lots, however because it’s tomorrow and he has yet to name the place he maybe a time waster
Date 3 – A friend of a friend.
Date 4 – An guy I have known for a while – and I have a sneaky feeling he too may cancel.
Date 5 – He is keen and seems lovely,but I am unsure if I will “spark” with him very well face to face
Date 6 – Very nice guy, and can only see me on a certain day.

So, there we have it! I assume I will be EXHAUSTED but I will be okay, once I get over the nerves of date one I am sure everything else will fall into place. Right?

Onwards I plough people… Onwards!

bye bye rules…

So, right at the start of this little… Project… I had a set of rules which has changed a fair bit. The original rules can be found here –  https://ultimateactoffeminism.wordpress.com/2012/07/15/my-first-outing-how-not-to-do-it-28/

Because this was a time where I wasn’t ready for anything really serious and real and I wanted to protect myself, those rules suited me. But I think I have grown out of them. So, they have been ditched for a more informal way of doing things. I am going more from the gut than a list. I think this is my way of thinking I am ready to meet someone and LIKE them!?

I may have only just touched on it, but my ex stung me, badly. This is something I have been mulling over and reflecting on a fair bit the past few weeks.

Trust has been something that I have never been great with initially, but when my ex left it seems he took more than his clothes. He took my trust in people, and my confidence about most things to do with me… Looks and personality. I was deeply wounded by what happened, and the scars are still slowly healing. Some may say this is not the time to be dating and seeking someone to like and someone who likes me, but in all honesty I need this. People don’t move forward by standing still.

My ex left me 5 months ago, and it was a month and a half before that of him coming and going and us talking so although 5 months doesn’t seem like a long time, it has been 6 and a half months since the heartache began. We were perfectly happy, and one morning he woke and decided the life we were living wasn’t for him and he had to leave. So that’s what he did. Then, three hours later, he came back saying it was a massive mistake. Then a week later he did the same thing, woke up wanting to leave, so he left but we remained in contact. Then a week later he came back and decided to stay saying he loved me asking if we could give it another go. Then, a few weeks later, he visited his dad and decided to leave for good. This time not telling me in the comfort of our home while we both cried and hugged, but in a pub garden surrounded by other people. He was cold, and it was horrible. This time, instead of trying to ask questions and be supportive about his needs and feelings, I told him to go and never come back. Some say that I said that a few weeks too late, but honestly, it was so utterly out of the blue the 1st time it’s unreal. I wish I could explain fully how out of the blue it was…

The night before he left me we watched a film, had a bottle of wine, told each other we loved each other lots and we made love twice. We woke cuddling and kissing, and then he gets up stares at me and drops that bombshell on me. Before this we rarely argued, we bickered, and we did what all healthy and functional couples do. But we were honest with each other, we respected each other a lot and we cared about each other very deeply and I believed that it was 100% true love. I’d never loved that way before in my life. We had been together before, and because we both went travelling separably we split up… And then 4 years later we decided to see each other again, so this time around we knew we liked each other lots and we knew we got on. One thing led to another and we fell madly in love. We then decided to try for a family, and we’d been actively trying for a few months, both excited about a baby. There had never been any talks about either one being unhappy, or even a feeling of unhappiness. I suppose this explains the heartache. And my need to keep men at a distance. And my need to always be in control.

Anyway, I hope this explains a little more where my head has been at and what I have been mentally going through (throw into that mix during the time he was going back and forth I was having a pretty serious cancer scare which made things so horrible I sometimes wonder how I got through it) and how I am a bit of how I am.

So, there has to be a time where you stand up and say “enough it enough”. Where you let people know you don’t want to feel sad any more, you want to feel happy, and you want to seek that feeling. And I think dating is my way of doing that. And of course…. Dating can be fun!

I re-read my blog (as a way of distraction for another 1st date tonight as I am a wee bit scared) and as well as finding it rather funny, I suppose it reminded me that I am a confident person, who likes meeting new people and who revels in new adventures and experiences. And this should need no rules. Each “date” should have it’s own boundaries, which I need to set to protect my heart a little.

The date this afternoon is with someone I met on the online dating site, however we have mutual friends and oddly enough would have met at a party in a few weeks time. We also work in the charity sector, which is my small town would mean we’d bump into each other a fair bit (especially over the winter months when all the events happen). My one friend said if she were single he would be someone she’d love to date as he is friendly, polite, good looking and really chatty. Which scares the SHIT out of me. No pressure there then!?

So, the rules have gone, and I find myself feeling as if I am on the verge of a slight little change in my heart and mind. Maybe I am finally really getting over my ex, or at least getting over the trauma of what happened. Writing about it without crying (as I have today) is a first (although I had a lump in my throat). I suppose feeling vulnerable about things is totally normal, and I am still pretty sensitive about the whole “ex” thing, so if you do comment on this post please be kind and not too harsh on me…! I feel like this has been a little bit of therapy if I am honest.

So, there we go. Now with a little less pressure on me I have an hour before I have my date – bugger off and let me get ready! I think I need a wine!

(ps, thanks xx)