Short, Sweet – I got out before it got bad.

I’M SINGLE AGAIN!

That’s right – I was off the market but I am back on it again… “What happened?!” I hear you cry… Well, I’ll tell ya!

Things with the new man were amazing for a few weeks, we had deep and interesting chats, the flirting was amazing. We had a few lovely weekends together and things were lovely.

But lovely things end. I don’t want to be mean about the guy, but he was a terrible boyfriend. There is something about him being in a relationship which turns him into a dick. I don’t know, maybe it’s because being in a relationship with a well balanced individual shows him how UNbalanced he really is. 

We ended things before I began hating him, and I was more than happy with the most impressively adult break up I’ve ever had. We talked, both said it was wrong. He said he was a twat, a hoop, it was him not me. I agreed. We ended as friends, laughing about winding up our friends

So, where does that leave me? I am now 32, single again.

A week after my last relationship – here was my plan – to give myself a week to eat drink and be merry (so far in 2014 I’ve been gym and diet awesome) – spending time with people who make me happy, staying in bed and watching films and eating ice cream and cookies! Which is what I have been doing. 

I’ve also been planning a no-man few weeks, I realised that since 2008 I have always had a man about – either someone I have been dating or texting or seeing or with an actual boyfriend. I’ve maybe had a week off dating, but then I’ve been right back on it. Dating and men have taken up most of my time and energy – which means my time and energy has not been focused on me. Which is bonkers.

Since being single I have met two men (I know, I can’t keep them away!) and both of them have been told about my time away from anything other than me – one was respectful, the other was a bit of a dick about it and kept texting me a countdown to when he wants to have sex with me – NOT WHAT I WANT!

I am not getting younger, and I want to meet someone who I have something important with – I think my obsession with dating came higher than who I was – not good.

I’ll keep you posted!

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Mr. New Year.

So, folks this is it. This is the tale of me and the man who is my reason to no longer date. This is Mr New Year.

 

New Year is one of my best friends best friends. He is in one of my circle of friends and I fancied him from the first time I ever met him. He is an unconventionally geeky looking cool man. Almost like a parody of a good looking geeky cool man. Think James Dean meets Benedict Cumberbatch with a hint of Ryan Gosling and a lot of Leonard Hofstadter. In fact, fancy does not cover it. I’ve been lusting after him for years.

We have a history. Five years ago when he stayed on my sisters sofa he and I ended up outside smoking together in the dark when he kissed me. It was amazing, he is one of the best kissers I’ve ever had the pleasure of kissing (and dear faithful readers, you’ll know I kiss a lot). Kissing him only made me want to kiss him more, and that night we ended up having a cuddle on the sofa.

A few months later he was visiting for my brother in laws 30th, there was a gang of us out having lots of laughs and once in the club he follows me from the toilet, pins me to the wall and gives me one of his amazing kisses murmuring in my ear “we’re going back to yours… Now”. Go back to mine we did, but the sex was fuelled by alcohol and I had to nip to the shower to shave my legs and it wasn’t the best. The next morning we were woken by a friend who wanted to hit the pub again. I had things to do and so met up with them that evening, New Year was almost ignoring me and so it put it down to a nice evening that would never go anywhere.

Over the next 5 years we both had other partners, but still remained in he same friendship group, meeting a few times a year, introducing our partners to the other. One big night out, my boyfriend at the time was away and he had brought his girlfriend who he was being slightly mean to. She nipped to the loo so I pulled him to one side and asked him about why he was being a git, he held my hands and said “you know me, you know I’m crap. I can’t be that way with a woman like her” I remember that moment too well for someone with just a crush.

All of our friends knew about my crush, all of them. Every time his name was mentioned I’d go bright red and giggle. But I assumes nothing would happen, we had our shot and he clearly wasn’t interested in having anything.

On the 28th of Dec my friend had a house party, now Mr New Year has a habit of being a bit of a flake, well with his last 2 girlfriends he was. One (the one I talked to him about that night in the bar) was so lovely but too nice and boring and safe and the other was a raging alcoholic who used to lie to him about everything and he ended up taking her to A&E several times because of how much she had drunk. He made some bad partner choices – who hasn’t! But as a result he kind of closed off his friends and avoided them a bit. We were all overjoyed when he said he was coming to the party and said he was staying until New Year. 

As I walked into the house, I knew he was there and my stomach was bouncing about the place in glee. We had a casual friend hug and kiss and did the small talk bit. After all these years I was still lusting after him.

A few hours into the party and he sends me a text which read “I’m reckoning you should stay here, we need to chat it up, it’s always too long :)” Well that got me all in a fluster so I did what most other women I know would do. I asked my friends WHAT DID THE TEXT MEAN!? 

Mr New Year and I ended up having a long talk and then we fooled around a bit. I told him not to ignore me the following morning, like he had done years previous, and he said he wouldn’t. 

Over the next few days we fell into a pattern of nice flirting, slight touching in public and nice sex in the evening, all the while hanging out with some of our friends from far and wide. It was all lovely but also at the same time, very confusing. We were playing out the earliest stages of something surrounded by the people we’ve known for years, all of which were coming together for the first time in 3 years, so that was a big thing. Plus, I don’t know Mr. New Year other than who he was within our group. And he was the same to me. We have our roles and reputations the we live up to, which aren’t too far from who we are, but we’re both complex people.

New Years Eve I was watching him, and noted that I more than lusted after him. My crush was on another level now, I watched him being a kind man, and interesting man. I listened to what he said and I liked it. A lot. That night was so much fun, we laughed and danced and enjoyed each other’s company more than ever, and he ended up taking me home at 2am so we wouldn’t be stuck in a long taxi cue, and of course so we could be together.

We had another talk and decided why not give it a go. It’s not going to be easy, under the glare of our friends. But there maybe something there. I am riddled with insecurities, from my head to my toe about it all. I can’t quite get my head around why he would want to start something with me. I know I need to work on those things, and trust him a lot more. I know that I am coming from a place of great hurt (my last big relationship was a killer) and I can’t let that ruin the possibility of something here. Not too much, not too little, I need to get my Goldilocks sorted. 

Every text this man sends makes me beam with smiles. 

He lives around an hour and a half away, and we’re taking it slow. When he visits here he’ll have a load of friends to see as well as me. But we need to get to know each other as dates, rather than friends who fooled around.

I am excited. And scared. But mostly really really happy!

Mr Swoon (Christmas blessings)

For this tale I need to tack you back a few months… April 2013 to be exact. 

My house mate tells me he has a friend and his girlfriend visiting for the night, they’ll be out drinking and I was welcome to hang out with them. I was not in the mood to be sociable, so I managed to avoid seeing them and had an early night. I was woken up at about 1am to them coming back and playing music but nothing too bad (as house mate noises go).

The next morning I woke up, got ready in my room and headed downstairs for a coffee before work. Opening the living room door I wake a tall dark and very handsome stranger who was asleep on the sofa. He sits up, hair all shaggy and sleepy and introduced himself, we make a flirty little joke about a semi naked man on my sofa and giggle.

He was charming, polite, and from what I could see from under his duvet very well maintained. He oozed handsomeness into my living room and I was smitten. I made us coffee and we chatted for around an hour, everything he said had me giggling and swooning – there was just a simple CLICK and spark that I’d not felt in a long time. We were chatting away like old flirty friends and I think we told each other mini-histories of our lives.

He wasn’t my house mates friend, but a friend of the couple who my house mate knew. They were off camping for a few days and used our place as a stop over and a catch up. I was already an hour late for work when I left the house.

He jumped out of the duvet and stood by the door as I left

“Come camping with us” he asked.
“I have to work” I said – all very Gone with the Wind-like
“Oh. This is goodbye then.”
“Goodbye”.

Honestly, it was like a film. And I was smitten.
Over the next few months we used Twitter to get in touch – sending light yet flirty messages to one another, exchanging music and jokes and the like. However, we were yet to exchange numbers. I had sent him mine via a DM and he hadn’t replied, however was still in the act of exchanging flirty tweets, so I talked myself into believing that he hadn’t seen his DM.

One day, he send me a Tweet which makes me so excited “WE’RE COMING TO SEE YOU SOON!”

That day comes around, a few weeks before Christmas and I am practically bouncing off the walls to see him.  I had already arranged dinner with family that night, so afterwards I made my way to the pub they were in… and drinking happened.

It was lovely to see him, and we had one of those friendly embraces and a few in jokes from out tweeting. I met the couple who were at the house before and they were lovely people too. We played drinking games and Mr Swoon and I sat closer and closer… Then his arm was around me… And there was lots of flirty touching and eye contact.

We decided to go to a club and go dancing, which was a blur of more booze and lots of 80’s dance moves. When we were trying to get a cab he was nuzzling into me and we were well on our way to a cheeky snog.

Back in the house, he declared he was headed to sleep, and needed a bed, and mine would do. So, that was exactly what happened and of course we had some fooling around.

6am the next morning I had to get up and help out a friend for an hour, which was pretty harsh. But, I did it and returned to Mr Swoon in my bedroom. We had a bit of a snog, but mostly talked about our lives, about our jobs, families and things we loved and hated. Once again it was a perfect exchange of two almost strangers. It was effortless and sweet. Almost poetic in it’s nature.

We didn’t exchange numbers, or talk about seeing each other again (other than the three of them coming back to town to say hi one day in the Spring). And for this it was perfect.

There are many reasons why this should be kept as the night it was and that alone. I think with something that lovely, there was nothing more and nothing less. He was a charming handsome man who I had a god night with, and anything more would spoil it. He hinted at a few things he was unhappy with in his life, and they would have been arguments. I think the crux was, he was lovely, but not worth getting hurt over.

It’s a sad way to look at a possible relationship. But also, a great one. Is this man worth my tears? Because every relationship has tears. Is this man worth hurting over? Because every relationship is hard at times.

The answer was no. I want to keep that night in a box in my memories as something beautiful and sweet.

 

I have, however.. Found someone who MAYBE worth the tears and hurt….

Mr. West Country. Making sense

So, December was a pretty busy man-month for me – I’ll get to that later on. I promise you – the end of December was stupidly exciting for me man-wise. I have a new potential man interest, who I like enough to stop dating other men… But more on that later…

But, West Country and I… We were friends with benefits as much as two people can be. There were many talks about should we be a relationship, and all of the questions ended up in a very firm “no”.

He always came to visit me, he visited a lot too. At least once a week, sometimes more, and once he even took a train from London at 2am to see me (yes, he was drunk). The sex started out good, and got a lot better the more we talked about it and practised it. But the main issue with this was the lack of sparkling magic that I wanted in a relationship. There we have it, the “spark” was not fully there. Maybe because we were just  really good friends with nice benefits, or maybe because for both of us we didn’t want it with each other, maybe we not in the right place for each other.

We had one chat along the lines of “shall we….” And then that ended, very up in the air. The week after that I slept with someone else (another post – Mr Swoon) and knew that it wasn’t meant to be.

However, credit where credit is due with West Country and I had a mature FWB thing. Honesty was a big thing, and through that a lot of respect was built. I could very easily sit here and type a list of the reasons he wasn’t so great to me, and how we were not amazing. But out of it all I have a friend who I know I will see for friend times. Which is pretty great.

I text him New Years Day morning telling him about my new potential man interest, I wanted to tell West Country about my exciting news because there was a said of me that knew he’d dig it all. He was totally awesome about it, and happy for me. West Country is an will continue to be a friend, and a friendship I already treasure.

I think it’s the healthiest ending to something ever for me. Huzzah!

Mr. Utterly Lovely.

Hello folks!

So, since West Country has left he and I have regular text conversations which I assume are more about filling time and boredom than each other, but it’s a harmless unspoken arrangement for us both. He has invited me to see him, and I am unsure if I want to/if work is too busy to see him.

On Halloween my friend and I were out and we got chatting to Mr. Utterly Lovely – and there is little else I can say about him other than he is UTTERLY LOVELY. We exchanged numbers, and spent a few days texting. The downfall? He is 10 years younger than me.

Now, this in itself isn’t an issue, and over text we got along really well, so I arranged to go on a date with him.

We met in a regular 1st date haunt of mine (went there with Actor and Scientist loads) – it’s one of my favourite pubs and the atmosphere is great. He was dressed to the nines (for where we live) in a shirt and pullover, nice trousers and shoes the clinked on the floor when he walked. 
We got along well, chat flowed easily, but there was something very innocent and pure about him, it was literally like he was untainted by previous relationships and women. I asked him about his life and it was all very juvenile, not childish or immature, but juvenile. He used to be fat, and was the class clown, he had never had a relationship before, but had very many close female friends. I had enough booze in me to ask him if her was a virgin. He was. In fact, he’d never touched a woman other than kissing and he’d never been touched. We had a snog at the end of the night and he giggled as he was so embarrassed. 

While I fully appreciate his honesty, his sweetness, his amazing pureness, this was not the man who I want in my world. The day after the date I text him and told him this, his response was so mature and sweet I said okay to date number 2. Due to work issues I had to cancel, but in retrospect I probably could have jiggled a few things around. I was supposed to meet him tonight for a date.

His texts were full of sweet and genuine compliments. He wanted me to have the best date ever with him but he kept asking me what that was. He was trying so hard to please me, it was so lovely. I thought back to when I was 25, I met a 19 year old who had one previous sexual partner and who liked me lots, we dated although I told him I didn’t want anything more and he slowly became obsessed. He verbally agreed to everything I said but wanted more from me. I assumed at the time he was an adult and knew what he was doing. But of course he didn’t think about the consequences of things, and neither did I.

This time, I have. I cancelled explaining in truth that he deserved to be with someone who wanted him 100% – and that wasn’t me. Someone who appreciates his purity, who maybe had similar thoughts. He was probably the most mature of a lot I’ve been with. He was genuine, but there was no way this man would throw me on the bed and ravish me until I begged him to stop. No way he would debate with me about the news, no way he would know how to match my firm manner. And although he had tried to assure me he’d be fine with whatever arrangement I wanted from him, I know that isn’t right on him.

I am honestly sad that I had to say bye to that one. Because, I think I know deep down I need someone who has had experience with a women, someone who may have had his heart broken, or broken hearts. Someone like Mr. Utterly Lovely doesn’t deserve someone slightly bitter like me. It’s sad because if it were not for my experiences with me ex, this guy would have been a lovely little romance. But I can’t do that to him, so I let him go.

Mr West Country

So, West Country and I had a nice date a few months back, it was your generic date. We had a few drinks and chat was nice and so on.

THEN he invited me to his neck of the woods for a festival and drinks and this happened and it was nice. I ended up staying over and of course sex times happened.

THEN I invited him to my neck of the woods for a night out and this happened and it was nice. He ended up staying over and of course sex times happened.

Do you get where this is headed?

There is nothing too wrong with him, other than we’re not a perfect match, it is all nice and okay. The sex is good… He’s polite and kind most of the time… But he falls into a breed of man I have been familiar with – the type of man who he and I are never going to get there.

He’s nice and polite and kind and funny BUT at this moment he will never fully rock my world, and I will never fully rock his. And I for his world would be too much, too out there, too “crazy”.  Unpredictable. I must admit sometimes I play that stereotype as much as it’s assigned to me, of course it’s who I am, but we all live a stereotype of ourselves at times… Right? He called me a hippy, which I guess I could be seen as … I assume because I am a veggie/vegan and a feminist and don’t know if I want to get married. It’s not an issue for him, he actually quite likes it. But, where he is isn’t where I am, and where I am isn’t where he is. This, was a man a fancied, but a man who I liked as a friend a lot more than as a full time partner. Plus, living so far away… Could it be anything more than casual?

A few weeks ago I out it out there should he ever fancy a fun night out with some nice casual sex to let me know, which is exactly what he did, which was exactly why he text last week arranging the weekend just gone. He wanted to come and hang out… And for some reason this felt different.

I get the impression he’s never had “casual” relations before. He seemed awkward, almost geeky which I’d never seen before. He did lots of things to make sure I knew we were not “dating” but were FWB. I’m not a FWB prude, by any means. In fact I prefer this arrangement to a full relationships where most men are concerned. He told me about a women he was in love with… And about a girl he dated who we both knew. And about dating someone else he’d previously dated but neither of them were interested (or remembered they’d dated before). This, was most certainly not a date. It was friends. With benefits.
He didn’t flirt. I know from Twitter that he flirts with others, and at the time I didn’t care because, well, I didn’t care about him flirting with me. We drank a fair amount then headed home for sex.

How do I feel about him? I don’t. He’s nice, good in bed. And that sums it up.

It has however made me think a lot about certain men I keep in my life… Actor hasn’t text me since I called him an “odd man” and I have not missed HIM… And the rest haven’t been in touch and I have not missed them. Makes me think I keep them around (read: I respond to their texts) because I am bored otherwise. Which makes me want to re-assess my views on it. West Country is different from Actor. Very much so. But this thing may grow into friends more than anything

IN OTHER NEWS – A guy I very very very much crush on is coming to visit. But that’s for another post…

Be good folks xxx

Mr Smitten #2

So, Smitten wanted to take me away – which was lovely. We went to the big City and he’d booked us into a B&B which was pleasant and thoughtful.

I’m trying hard for this post not to seem ungrateful, this was a man who’d done a little planning and paid for everything and was nice. But, there were so many little things wrong. The night itself was fine, it was a nice night out, the comedy was good, I’ve never been before so it was something new.

I tend to think it doesn’t matter where you are or the cost of something – if there is a spark and it’s meant to be it’ll be. And this was not meant to be.

Firstly, he kept calling me “princess” and “precious”. Two things I am most certainly not. He spoke like he owned me, like I was his possession.  He referred to me as “his” all the time… “my princess…. My little bear… My little lady…” I had the distinct impression that he thought he owned me. 

He didn’t let me pay for anything. Not a bottle of water. Not a packet of crisps. Which is nice and kind and very generous, but EVERYTHING. Not even letting me buy him a drink. And then he kept telling me how skint the night was going to make him and how he really needed to save some money! I felt awkward to say the least.

And… He gave a bouncer £20 so we could skip the cue, I was embarrassed as we sauntered past everyone. I tried to ask him if we could cue with everyone else but he was having none of it.

In a cafe the next day he declared “You owe me a blow job”. Ergh. 

At the train station he tried to get me to sit on his knee, when there were more than enough seats and I didn’t want to sit. The he said “Can I have a kiss?” To which I responded “A please would be nice.” And he said “I’m not begging you for one!”

Basically, he wanted a nice little woman who looked nice and did as she was told. And he believed money would get him that.

I’m not looking for someone to splash money on me, my friend commented that I would be more than happy with a bag of chips and a nice walk – I just would like someone to be interested in ME rather than what they can give me. I refused to feel obliged to do anything for him. But it was hard.

On the train home he asked me what I was doing Christmas day as he was all alone and he wanted to see me – I’ve hardly even planned what I am doing with my friends, let alone this dude! 

So many other stories about his life didn’t match up – he was banned from driving for 2 years for the third time for drink driving… This man liked a drink and liked to get me drunk. He was only here for a month from London to visit his mum, but all of his things were being sent to his mums home permanently… That doesn’t make sense! He was married for seven years and had 3 step children but now never sees them.

Oh well…. On to the next!!