So, folks this is it. This is the tale of me and the man who is my reason to no longer date. This is Mr New Year.
New Year is one of my best friends best friends. He is in one of my circle of friends and I fancied him from the first time I ever met him. He is an unconventionally geeky looking cool man. Almost like a parody of a good looking geeky cool man. Think James Dean meets Benedict Cumberbatch with a hint of Ryan Gosling and a lot of Leonard Hofstadter. In fact, fancy does not cover it. I’ve been lusting after him for years.
We have a history. Five years ago when he stayed on my sisters sofa he and I ended up outside smoking together in the dark when he kissed me. It was amazing, he is one of the best kissers I’ve ever had the pleasure of kissing (and dear faithful readers, you’ll know I kiss a lot). Kissing him only made me want to kiss him more, and that night we ended up having a cuddle on the sofa.
A few months later he was visiting for my brother in laws 30th, there was a gang of us out having lots of laughs and once in the club he follows me from the toilet, pins me to the wall and gives me one of his amazing kisses murmuring in my ear “we’re going back to yours… Now”. Go back to mine we did, but the sex was fuelled by alcohol and I had to nip to the shower to shave my legs and it wasn’t the best. The next morning we were woken by a friend who wanted to hit the pub again. I had things to do and so met up with them that evening, New Year was almost ignoring me and so it put it down to a nice evening that would never go anywhere.
Over the next 5 years we both had other partners, but still remained in he same friendship group, meeting a few times a year, introducing our partners to the other. One big night out, my boyfriend at the time was away and he had brought his girlfriend who he was being slightly mean to. She nipped to the loo so I pulled him to one side and asked him about why he was being a git, he held my hands and said “you know me, you know I’m crap. I can’t be that way with a woman like her” I remember that moment too well for someone with just a crush.
All of our friends knew about my crush, all of them. Every time his name was mentioned I’d go bright red and giggle. But I assumes nothing would happen, we had our shot and he clearly wasn’t interested in having anything.
On the 28th of Dec my friend had a house party, now Mr New Year has a habit of being a bit of a flake, well with his last 2 girlfriends he was. One (the one I talked to him about that night in the bar) was so lovely but too nice and boring and safe and the other was a raging alcoholic who used to lie to him about everything and he ended up taking her to A&E several times because of how much she had drunk. He made some bad partner choices – who hasn’t! But as a result he kind of closed off his friends and avoided them a bit. We were all overjoyed when he said he was coming to the party and said he was staying until New Year.
As I walked into the house, I knew he was there and my stomach was bouncing about the place in glee. We had a casual friend hug and kiss and did the small talk bit. After all these years I was still lusting after him.
A few hours into the party and he sends me a text which read “I’m reckoning you should stay here, we need to chat it up, it’s always too long :)” Well that got me all in a fluster so I did what most other women I know would do. I asked my friends WHAT DID THE TEXT MEAN!?
Mr New Year and I ended up having a long talk and then we fooled around a bit. I told him not to ignore me the following morning, like he had done years previous, and he said he wouldn’t.
Over the next few days we fell into a pattern of nice flirting, slight touching in public and nice sex in the evening, all the while hanging out with some of our friends from far and wide. It was all lovely but also at the same time, very confusing. We were playing out the earliest stages of something surrounded by the people we’ve known for years, all of which were coming together for the first time in 3 years, so that was a big thing. Plus, I don’t know Mr. New Year other than who he was within our group. And he was the same to me. We have our roles and reputations the we live up to, which aren’t too far from who we are, but we’re both complex people.
New Years Eve I was watching him, and noted that I more than lusted after him. My crush was on another level now, I watched him being a kind man, and interesting man. I listened to what he said and I liked it. A lot. That night was so much fun, we laughed and danced and enjoyed each other’s company more than ever, and he ended up taking me home at 2am so we wouldn’t be stuck in a long taxi cue, and of course so we could be together.
We had another talk and decided why not give it a go. It’s not going to be easy, under the glare of our friends. But there maybe something there. I am riddled with insecurities, from my head to my toe about it all. I can’t quite get my head around why he would want to start something with me. I know I need to work on those things, and trust him a lot more. I know that I am coming from a place of great hurt (my last big relationship was a killer) and I can’t let that ruin the possibility of something here. Not too much, not too little, I need to get my Goldilocks sorted.
Every text this man sends makes me beam with smiles.
He lives around an hour and a half away, and we’re taking it slow. When he visits here he’ll have a load of friends to see as well as me. But we need to get to know each other as dates, rather than friends who fooled around.
I am excited. And scared. But mostly really really happy!