Mr Ego

Mr. Ego and I had messaged for a while, and not just on online dating sites, we’d text and emailed and things were good. 

I have been going through a rather spiritual process of change – I’m vegetarian and practice yoga and meditating and am reading more about loss of attachment and how to live a more ethical life. Ego seemed to get it. But, twice we’d arranged to meet and twice I cancelled on him. There was something about our correspondence that I wasn’t a fan of. And over a few weeks we’d stopped chat.

Months later……

I go on snapchat and see he is there… so, I sent him a pic. And he responded. And I sent another. And he sent another. NO you filthy minded folk, they were not dirty pics in the slightest! Normal ones. 

So, then we were texting and he asked me how I was doing and how I had been doing – and I was honest. I told him about a few woes, and so on, and about my new bits and bobs in life. The talk soon turned to email conversations, and they were very long and quite “deep” chats. It was nice, it felt like after sifting through all the bullshit of online dating there was someone who was seeing things in a similar light that I did.

We arranged a date, and then he tells me 1) he is away for a while, and does this often. 2) he is moving to another city. 3) He is seeing other women.

Now, I needed to know if he were just dating other women or in relationships and was poly. I have been interested in the poly lifestyle and I have friends who are involved in it, so it is something I am always open to talking about. We emailed a lot about that and other things, and there was certainly a connection via email. And like I said, a connection I have not felt so much lately with men.

We meet in the city where he lives, not my city. I took a train an hour to meet him, which was fine and I have no issues with and I have done it before – but there is something about putting yourself on a long train ride to meet someone which puts you in a vulnerable position – anyway! 

I’d always known that Mr. Ego was short. I knew he was a street performer. I knew he travelled a lot. I knew he worked at a lot of festivals. What I failed to realise that SHORT means 4ft 10.

And he performed because he had a MASSIVE ego. I have no doubt at all that seeing one of his shows or performances would not be fun – because it was obvious that he knew how to entertain a large crowd of people. But he needed to realise he was on a date – not a job interview or a performance. 
Every story he told me was about how amazing, wonderful, great he was. How calm and perceptive, happy and talented he was. How he was the top at circus school, esp in being a clown. How he was top in festivals. How people begged him for his skills and time.
He tried telling me I reminded him of Charlotte from Sex and the City – I can honestly say I am NOTHING like her. NOTHING. When I argued this he said “but she is the prettiest” – I LOOK NOTHING LIKE HER. Nothing! I can only imagine he wanted to pay me a compliment – but it all seemed very insincere. 

We walked for a while then found another bar, where he told me how hard it was for a man to know if a woman wanted him to kiss her or not. How men read signals that may not be there, and if a woman wants a man to kiss him she should ask him. Aha, yeah, I wasn’t gonna ask him. But clearly this was where he was headed with that chat.

Drinks were drunk and he kept referring to me as a “girl” which irritated the LIFE out of me. I am a woman. Not a girl. I am 32 years old. So I asked him not to, and boy he did not like that. He didn’t yell or get angry, but rather than accept he’d said something annoying he kept asking me what it meant that I was denying the fact that I was female, and how I couldn’t be honest with myself because I wasn’t looking in my mirror. I told him I found him insulting, he laughed. 

Honestly folks, THIS IS MY LIFE. It was at this point I wanted to leave, but somehow I ended up having dinner with him.

Some food, more wine, more talk about how amazing he was, about how he needed to be back in music because it was his soul, how amazing his band was, what an adult he was for having invested shares in loads of projects worldwide, how open minded he was for being poly (after probing it turns out he wasn’t in a relationship at all… Just thinking about it), how closed minded the world was, how he was happy he could see everything and everyone for reality not anything else.

He was exhausting to talk with. I was drunk. I wanted to head home so asked him to point me in the direction of a taxi – somehow we ended up on the back of a bus – snogging. 

Damn my weakness for a good snog. And it was. I can’t deny him that one bit. He was clearly drunk too and managed to talk me into one more drink before the last train home… The drink would be in his bar. He part-owned a bar and DAMN it was cool! He knew everyone in there, I was introduced, drinks were drunk and off we headed to the train station. Stood saying ‘bye was quite funny. 

“I want you to stay overnight, but I don’t want to be that guy… But I am that guy! I want to sleep with you but I don’t want you to think I am one night stand guy…. Oh this is all so confusing”

“Ah” I said “I have more respect for us both than to sleep with you after date #1” I said. Pecked him on the cheek and away I ran to the train. 

I was INUNDATED with texts telling me how me found me amazing, gorgeous, an interesting brain, and how he couldn’t wait to see me again.

Erm, no Mr. Ego.  

I’m happy I met him, because I suppose he allowed me to think about is being poly is for me. Lots. And he was very different from the others – in a few ways. He is headed away for 3 weeks (maybe more) which is a nice excuse for never seeing him again!

When I look back and think that he was the worst, I think it was because of his blatant self-love, narcissistic talk, performing date. There were times I looked at him and wondered if he COULD ever have a relationship, because he’d never love anyone as much as he ADORED himself. And nobody could ever love him more than he loved himself.

And in the words of Bridget Jones “That’s not a good enough offer for me”

Till next time folks!